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A Change of Heart

My name is Mary and I am 40. I had almost given up on finding a partner until Rob came into my life five years ago. We met at the gym and “bonded” over our shared interest in living healthy life styles. Rob is 49 and has 2 kids from a previous marriage who are in their early 20s and off at university and college. Rob was open right from the get-go that he already had his kids and didn’t want to have any more. I was pretty sure that was okay with me because I really wanted to be with him, plus I wasn’t too sure how I felt about kids anyway. So that’s what we decided. We’ve been married for four years now and it’s been great. And Rob is a great dad to his older children and seems to really enjoy spending time with them when they’re in town. He speaks with them every week on the phone when they’re away at school.

The problem is that I just turned 40 and it’s like something switched in me. Suddenly I’m starting to think and feel that I really want kids after all. I had better decide soon because my time is running out. I’m afraid I’ll regret it if I don’t at least try to become a mother. I’ve been really worried about talking to Rob about this because of our agreement. I don’t think it’s fair to him that I’ve changed my mind, but then again, I don’t think it’s fair to me if I don’t acknowledge these feelings that I’m having.

We finally sat down last night and I told Rob how I’m feeling. He was kind of shocked but also said he wondered if this might happen. At first he was upset and reminded me about our agreement. Eventually he calmed down and said he needs some time to think about everything. I told him that’s okay, even though in my head I’m thinking, “there’s no time to spare!” Rob agreed to see a counsellor to help us navigate this deadlock. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I’m hoping he’s going to come around. If not, I might have to start thinking about what I want more – a baby or my marriage. That’s going to be a hard choice. I don’t even know if I can get pregnant at this point. But I know in my heart of hearts that want to try and that if I give up this chance, I’ll always have regrets.

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