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Feeling nervous about my pregnancy and motherhood

My name is Nisha. My husband Naveen and I started trying to conceive a few months ago. The test I took today confirmed what I already thought was true: I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I didn’t expect that it would happen this quickly. Don’t get me wrong – we want to have a baby and I’m happy that I’m pregnant – it’s just that I am a bit shocked, and surprised at how anxious I feel.

I’m generally a positive and upbeat person, but I can’t help feeling scared about this pregnancy. I should be happy but instead, I’m a bundle of nerves about so many different things – whether the baby is developing as it should be, whether she or he will be normal, whether I’ll be able to handle the pain of childbirth, whether I’ll be a good mom, and on, and on.  I’m trying to convince myself that it will all be okay in the end, but then I find myself on the internet googling different symptoms and worrying that something is wrong with the baby. And thinking about childbirth really freaks me out. I have a low pain tolerance at the best of times, and when I hear about women having 24 or 36 hours of labour, I can’t imagine how I’ll ever manage if that happens to me. Naveen has tried to be supportive, but I admit to snapping at him when he tries to dismiss my concerns or doesn’t seem to understand how I’m feeling, and then I feel guilty afterwards for being so hard on him. We want to wait until we’re through the first trimester before we tell our families, friends, and co-workers, which means that I’ve had to hide my morning sickness and my nervousness. That’s made it harder, too.

This anxiety can’t be good for me or for the baby, so I’ve booked to see a counsellor to help me work through my fears. I’ve also started reading some online blogs about other women’s reactions to pregnancy. I’m relieved to read that I’m not going crazy, and I’m not the only one who has felt nervous about a pregnancy and all of the changes that are ahead. Despite all these challenges, I’m trying to stay positive and focus on the fact that we’re having a baby – something that we’ve both always wanted. I wanted to share my story today, so that other women who are feeling the same way know that they’re not alone – and not going crazy either.

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