Considering Using Egg or Embryo Donation to Expand my Family

My name is Paula and I’m 43 years old. It took me a while to decide whether or not I wanted to become a mother. Since the right guy never came along, I kept putting off my decision to become a mother. But when I reached my 43rd birthday this year it was like everything became crystal clear – if I really wanted to have a child I better try now, with or without a partner since time was running out! Suddenly I saw babies everywhere and for the first time in my life I actually felt a physical yearning to have a child. But I was afraid that I had waited too long. Surprisingly, my fertility tests revealed that while my fertility was declining, I was still ovulating and my FSH levels weren’t too high. I felt my hopes growing as I heard the doctor say that I still had a chance of conceiving using my own eggs. I selected my sperm donor and scheduled my first IUI session. The first IUI didn’t work. I was disappointed, but I remembered that my doctor told me it would likely take 3-5 tries for it to happen. The next IUI didn’t work. And then another. And then another. And another. That’s where I’m at now – after starting treatment about 9 months ago, I find myself with 5 failed IUI cycles, less money in my bank account…and no baby to show for it. My 44th birthday is just a couple months away. I’m still reeling from the latest disappointment of another failed treatment cycle. And now my doctor is suggesting that I consider egg or embryo donation. I’m still in shock. I always thought that when and if I was ready to become a mother, everything would fall into place and 9 months later I’d have a beautiful baby in my arms. But my arms are empty and my heart is broken. I’ll never have a child who carries my genes and family history. Now my only option to become a mother is to go into significant debt to try to have a child that will not genetically be related to me. The money is one thing, and I’m sure I can love a child that’s not “mine” – especially since I’ll be carrying that little life in my own body. But I’m not sure I can cope with another failure if this doesn’t work. I’m scared and I’m not sure what to do at this point? I ask myself “Do I want a baby so much that I’m willing to go to whatever lengths are necessary? Or is this the point where I need to say enough is enough?” If I walk away now, will I regret this forever? That’s where I’m at right now.

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2 Responses to “Considering Using Egg or Embryo Donation to Expand my Family”

  1. Jo says:

    I’m about to have my 3rd iui and I can relate to the fears of it not working. I only have enough money for 3 and if this one doesn’t work, I’m out of luck. People keep telling me why don’t you adopt?? But I really want to be able to look into the eyes of my child and see myself in there somewhere, you know what I mean?

  2. LeAnn says:

    I’m in a similar boat but really leaning towards ending my treatment. It’s hard to say “enough is enough” b/c there’s so many different options out there – donor eggs, embryo donation, adoption, surrogacy and the list goes on… somehow by not considering these options I feel like I don’t have a right to feel sad that I’ve ended up childless. It’s kind of like, well, you could have considered adoption, couldn’t you?!? Or what about an egg donor?! Or why did you wait so long anyway??

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