Decision Making

Deferring the Decision

I/we’ve looked at all the pros and cons and still can’t decide if I/we want to have kids or if now is the right time. What now?

You’ve put a lot of effort into considering the pros and cons of having kids. You’ve made lists, considered your options, talked with friends, read books, and still you aren’t sure if you’re ready to have kids, or if you’ll ever be ready. So what do you do now?

Sometimes making these kinds of life-altering decisions can be a bit like being in the trees and not being able to see the forest. You may be too close to the situation, and be feeling too much pressure to decide. Maybe you’ve been getting so caught up with the details that you can’t see the bigger picture.

If you’ve had your fertility tested and have been told by your doctor that if you want to have kids you need to start now – and you still aren’t sure what to do, you should make an appointment with a counsellor. A counsellor might ask you some questions that you might not have considered, and can help you sort through the issues, identify where you’re getting stuck, and help you move forward.

If you aren’t concerned about your current fertility, then give yourself permission to take a break from making a decision. Like many things in life, you can’t force something that isn’t ready to happen. So shelve this decision for now and make a point of revisiting it in 6 months or so. With some distance, things may become clearer. And the circumstance of your life may have changed – putting a different perspective on the issue of having kids.

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