Lesbian Couple Pregnancy - 2319558resize

Surrounding our family with people who accept and love us

My name is Marcie. I’m 37 years old, and partnered with an amazing woman named Kate. We’ve been together for 5 years and recently got married. Kate’s family has welcomed me into their family like I was one of their own. My family has been an entirely different story. They’ve had a hard time accepting that I’m a lesbian, and an even harder time accepting that Kate is now my wife. It was very hurtful and heartbreaking that they didn’t come to our wedding. But I tried to focus on all of the people who were there that loved and accepted us – that helped to take a bit of the sting away. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it doesn’t still hurt, though.

Now Kate and I are ready for the next step in our relationship. We’re going to try to have a baby! I’ve always wanted kids and to experience pregnancy. We both want at least two kids but since I’m older, Kate and I decided that I’ll go first. We’re using donor sperm and intrauterine insemination (IUI). We’ve met with the docs and all my tests have come back good, so that’s a huge relief. We’ve also met with a counsellor to talk about donor selection and disclosure to our child. The counsellor asked us about our support network and whether the people in our lives are going to accept and love our child. I was surprised that I ended up crying in the session because I feel sad and guilty that my family is being so difficult and Kate’s family has been so amazing and welcoming. It was helpful just to talk about how I was feeling underneath all the excitement about trying to have a baby. Kate said she isn’t angry at my family, she just feels badly that I have been so hurt by their rejection. The counsellor talked about how to deal with the reactions of other people – including my family members. She emphasized how it was our role to make sure our child is surrounded by people who love and accept us. If people aren’t open and accepting, we can take on the role of educator and advocate about our kind of family, and set boundaries with people who aren’t willing to accept our child and our relationship.

After the counselling session, Kate and I talked about what that might look like in our circumstances, and we decided that if my family can’t accept Kate as my partner, and can’t accept our child, then that means they’ll be missing out on getting to know their grandchild. Maybe once the baby is born they’ll come around – we can always hope. But even before we’re pregnant, my “mama bear” instincts are kicking into full force. I don’t want anyone to make my child feel like having two moms is wrong. We’re likely going to encounter people’s close mindedness along the journey, and we’ll deal with that as it comes up. But if we know at the outset that there are people who just won’t accept us, then that will be their loss.

We’re thrilled that we’re starting this next stage of our lives together. There are going to be ups and downs but I trust that after all that Kate and I have been through, we’ll be able to deal with them. As for my family – they have a choice to make. I really hope that eventually they’ll be able to get on board and be a part of our lives and their grandchild’s life, but if not, then the choice Kate and I are making is to put our family first.

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