22nd August 2014 | by MFC Team
Pressure from his parents to have kids
My husband Jack and I got married last year. We just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Jack is an only child and his mom is desperate to become a grandmother. She’s always asking us if we’re pregnant yet, and wants to know when we’re going to make her a grandmother. Recently she’s started saying things like: “You know it’s better to have them sooner rather than later, don’t you?” I swear, every time we talk, she raises the kid issue. It’s super annoying. She’s even started signing off her emails with “Future Grandma.” It all feels like a bit much! We’re definitely planning on having kids eventually. We’re only 25 and we just graduated from college and got married. We have lots of time to have kids. But it’s starting to get on my nerves and I feel on edge every time we talk to Jack’s mom because I know the “kid” issue is going to come up. I find myself avoiding her calls and making excuses not to visit.
Thankfully, my parents are just the opposite – they’ve never pressured us or even raised the kid issue. There have been times where we’ve talked with them about having a family, but it’s because we’ve brought up the topic – not them. My parents respect our decisions, and trust that we’ll ask them for help or input whenever we need it. I’m so grateful that we’re not getting pressure from both sides, or I’m not sure what I’d do!
We’re going over to Jack’s parents next weekend to celebrate his dad’s birthday. I can already feel my guard going up. I’m going to talk to Jack about how we can respond to his mom and let her know that these constant questions are getting to be too much. I know she’s coming from a good place, but I just can’t take it for another 3 to 5 years while we’re waiting to feel ready to have kids. My girlfriend suggested that next time Jack’s mom brings up the kid issue, we tell her: “Good things happen to those who wait” or my sister suggested that we say: “You’re going to be a grandma eventually. When that happens, we promise that you’ll be the third to know”. I’m not sure what we’re going to say, but I’m hopeful that Jack and I can come up with something that sets a limit with her in a respectful way, so that we can actually enjoy spending time with her instead of always feeling guarded and annoyed.