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An unexpected pregnancy and a difficult decision

Hi, my name is Hazel. I’m 23 and just graduated from University. My mom has struggled with alcoholism and found it difficult to keep a job, so she wasn’t able to help me out while I was in school. My dad is out of the picture. So, I worked during my degree to support myself. I still have a pretty huge student loan, and I’m feeling the pressure to find a job so I can start paying it off. I’ve been sending out resumes and cover letters but I haven’t found anything yet. The stress is definitely getting to me. My friends told me I needed a night out with them to forget about all my worries and let loose a bit. I thought they were likely right, although I promised myself that I’d stick to my budget that night. I have to admit that it was a really great night. We danced and laughed and my worries seemed far away. By some strange twist of fate I ran into my ex that night. We have an on-and-off again relationship. We both know we’re not really good for each other, and our relationship isn’t going anywhere long-term, but there’s some comfort in being with each other when we’re feeling lonely. We ended up sleeping together that night.

We used a condom so I assumed we were safe. Imagine how I felt when I missed my next period. I panicked. I went to the drug store and picked up two different pregnancy tests. I peed on the stick and in both cases, the results were positive. To say that I was freaked out is an understatement. I could hardly provide for myself so how was I ever going to provide for a baby? I knew that I wanted to have kids eventually, but not in these circumstances. My relationship with my ex wasn’t going anywhere and I didn’t want to be a single mom.

I made an appointment with my family doctor. The official pregnancy test confirmed what I already feared – I was pregnant. I talked to the doctor about my options. After giving it some thought, I was pretty certain that I wanted to have an abortion. I knew the decision was up to me, but I wanted to talk to my ex about it, too. We met for coffee and when I told him, he said he wasn’t ready to be a dad and if “you decide to keep it, you’re your own.” I admit that I felt even more alone after this conversation, but it pretty much confirmed my decision.

My best friend Heather went with me to the clinic so I didn’t have to be alone. The TA was pretty straightforward. I had some cramping and bleeding after the procedure, but the physical aspect was bearable. The emotional part was harder. Don’t get me wrong – I know that I made the best decision I could for both for me and the baby. I really wish that my personal and financial circumstances had been different. But I’ve made my peace with my decision. I have to believe that I’ll have a chance to become a mom at some point in the future, when the circumstances are right and I can give a child the kind of life she or he deserves.

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