18th July 2012 | by MFC Team
Accepting that I’ll never have my own children
My name is Janice. I met my husband when I was in college and we got married right after we graduated. I assumed that we’d eventually have kids but we wanted to get our careers going and enjoy our freedom before we settled down. We worked hard and played hard and I assumed we had loads of time to eventually become parents. Then when I started to feel “ready” to have kids, our relationship started to fall apart. Whenever I tried to bring up the topic of kids with my husband, he made excuses about “not being ready” and “not wanting to change a good thing”. I knew my biological clock was ticking and I started to worry that my chance to become a mom was slipping away. We started fighting more and things just fell apart. We ended up divorcing when I was 37 – right in those prime childbearing years. The ironic thing is that after protesting so much about having kids, my ex ended up in a relationship soon after we divorced. He now has 2 children – and I’m the one who ended up childless. I spent the rest of my 30’s putting my life back together and getting on my feet again. By the time I felt emotionally stable and ready to start dating again, I was almost 40 – not exactly prime dating material. I went on more dates than I care to remember, trying to find the “right one” but it never happened. The urgency to meet someone, settle down and start having kids proved to be pretty challenging (and a bit of a buzz kill!). I spent my prime childbearing years in a failing marriage and then trolling the dating scene, looking for the right partner who wanted to be a dad. But time kept passing and eventually, I found myself in my mid-40s with no partner and no children. I always had this invisible deadline in my head for when I’d be willing to become a parent. Somehow that deadline has come and gone and my opportunity to become a mom has gone with it. I still haven’t found the right partner and there’s no way I could imagine doing this on my own. And having a teenager in my 60s? No thanks! So here I am, childless – not by choice, but by circumstance. It just didn’t happen for me. I’m sad at the thought of a childless life, and that I still haven’t found a partner I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. Maybe that will still happen – the partner piece. In the meantime, I’m lucky to have great friends – and two cats that I adore and that need me – as much as cats need anybody!