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Two Moms with Lots of Love To Share

Lisa and I have been together for almost 11 years. We both knew that we wanted kids eventually, but we didn’t know how the logistics were going to work out. Initially we asked a gay friend if he’d consider donating his sperm to help us have a child, but when he broke up with his long term partner and then started talking about how he wanted to be super involved in our child’s life, we felt like it was getting too complicated. So we went back to the drawing board and asked ourselves if we’d be more comfortable with an anonymous sperm donor. We connected with our local LGBT centre and met other moms who had gone the anonymous donor route. It didn’t seem so scary when we started talking to other couples that had used donor sperm. We decided it would be safer to work through our local fertility clinic. We also decided to go for an identity release donor so that our child could have the option of contacting the donor when/if s/he ever wants more information when s/he’s older. We’ve kept the donor photo and profile in a safe place so our child can have this information later, but we also wanted to leave the open identity open, even if s/he never chooses to find out more about the donor.

When it came to deciding who would carry the child, the decision was pretty easy as I’m in my 40s and Lisa is in her mid-30s. It just made more sense given that her eggs would be younger and she’d have a better chance of carrying the baby to term. I didn’t ever have the urge to become pregnant, but Lisa did, so this ended up working out. I’m Chinese, and Lisa is white, so we decided to go for an Asian donor so that our child would have some Asian characteristics and both our ethnic backgrounds would be represented in our child.

We were both miffed about having to go through a mandatory counselling session at the fertility clinic, but we actually found the session really helpful. It reinforced some of the decisions we already had made and got us thinking about what issues might come up for us and our family in the future. We’ve scheduled our first IUI (intra uterine insemination) for two weeks from today, when it’s the most fertile time in Lisa’s cycle. We’re nervous and excited. We’re trying to be realistic and not get our hopes up that the first time will be successful. But I can’t help picturing what Lisa will look like when her belly starts to grow. I can’t help smiling when I think that after over a decade as a family of two, we might become a family of three!

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